


If You Come Quietly

by BarricadeButterfly



Series: My Enjoltaire One Shots [4]
Category: Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Fingering, Anal Play, Anal Sex, Angst, Bottom Enjolras, Coming Out, Eventual Happy Ending, First Love, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff, Gay Sex, Hand Jobs, M/M, Male Slash, Oral Sex, Orgasm, Smut, Top Grantaire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:15:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27029446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BarricadeButterfly/pseuds/BarricadeButterfly
Summary: Ok, so this started out as an idea for a PWP but grew into a more detailed account of Enjolras' coming out story. Warnings for smut/gay sex. Plenty of fluff and angst and all the usual. I'm sure the ending will make you smile! Hope you enjoy and please leave kudos and comments - it's much appreciated!
Relationships: Enjolras/Grantaire (Les Misérables)
Series: My Enjoltaire One Shots [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1927930
Comments: 12
Kudos: 80





	If You Come Quietly

The first time it had happened it was barely more than a five minute fumble in the alley behind Musain. It was all amateurish tongues and inexpert hands and was over before it had really begun. Grantaire had been making his way home not ten minutes later on trembling legs with his head down and Enjolras’ come drying on his hands that were clenched into fists in his pockets. He could still feel the man’s tongue in his mouth, still feel the hotness of his breath and the feel of his teeth as they pulled at Grantaire’s bottom lip. He had walked fast, his head in a daze, the world blurring into one mess of colour around him, and they didn’t speak or even make eye contact again for another three weeks.

Then came the day of the rally.

For those who lived anywhere within a ten mile radius it was a given conclusion that you had at least heard about it, whether via the leaflets poked through the letterbox, the local news or just neighbourly gossip over one garden fence to another: _The uni boys are doing another protest march on Saturday, did you hear? Something about voters right this time… yeah, likely it’ll descend into chaos again... Usually does with that lot!... Aren’t they at university to study? ... How do they have time for all this anarchy?_

Some would turn up to show their support, others would turn up in hope of alleviating their boredom with some juicy drama to enjoy and Grantaire? Well he would turn up because Enjolras was leading it.

“You know you don’t have to go to this stuff anymore right? I mean, most people who drop out of uni don’t tend to keep turning up to uni events.”

Grantaire glanced sideways at the girl beside him as they walked. “Must you keep reminding me of that fact? I really don’t wanna be known as _R the dropout._ ”

“You know I didn’t mean it like that. And anyway, you said yourself it’s a good thing, right? You weren’t getting on with it. There are plenty of other options in life. And in the mean time you get to work with me at the café so you’ve got no reason to bitch.”

“That supposed to make me feel better?” asked Grantaire with a smirk and received an elbow to the ribs. Laughing, he wrestled an arm around Eponine’s shoulders as they walked along, clumsily drawing her closer and kissing her hair. “I love you Ponine.”

“Shut the fuck up and get off me,” she said, playfully pushing him away. “You make it look like we’re a couple and I’ve got much better taste in men.”

“So have I,” he replied automatically before he could stop the words from falling out of his mouth. It wasn’t that Eponine didn’t know he was gay – what sort of best friend would she be if she didn’t? – but it was more that since what he was now mentally referring to as _the incident_ three weeks ago had occurred, he had tried to keep Enjolras out of their conversations.

“Talking of which,” she began, never being one to miss the bait, much to Grantaire’s frequent frustration. “You wanna tell me the real reason we’re going to this thing today? You suddenly decided to fly the political flag and go all hardcore left wing on me or does it have more to do with a certain curly haired blonde cutie, by any chance?” The look on Grantaire’s face answered her question and she laughed. “Bloody hell R, why don’t you just tell him how you feel? He’s in the café nearly every day. It’s not like you haven’t got the opportunity. Write your number on his receipt or something.”

Grantaire observed her with genuine concern. “Please don’t tell me you’ve ever done that.”

“I’m still single so enough said,” she returned with a scoff. “Anyway, we’re not discussing my tragic love life, we’re talking about yours.”

“I don’t have one!”

“Exactly! We should try and change that. I can’t stand much more of you moping.”

Grantaire fell quiet because he didn’t know how to answer that without continuing to be purposely vague and it didn’t sit easy with him having to keep secrets from Eponine. As they walked along in a comfortable silence, he played with the idea of telling her what had happened but something kept the words from being spoken. Perhaps it was the fact that it was such a brief moment of bliss that he was starting to convince himself there was every possibility it hadn’t even happened outside of the glory of his imagination; it certainly seemed less real as more time passed. Or perhaps it was because saying it out loud made it real and once it was real, it couldn’t be undone. He didn’t want to undo what had happened but the being ignored for nearly a month afterwards? Yeah, that was a different matter entirely. It wasn’t exactly shaping up to be the romance of the century and certainly nothing to brag to his best friend about in any case.

*

The rally seemed to be concentrated onto the playing field behind the local sports centre and when Grantaire and Eponine arrived, it looked more like a summer festival but with less live music and alcohol, although there was a stage on the back of a lorry and a general buzz of excitement coming from the gathering crowds. Gazebos had been erected around the edge of the field from which Grantaire recognised some of Enjolras’ other friends handing out pamphlets and talking to little groups of people who had migrated over to them. Someone was selling lanyards and badges, people were holding or dragging placards with random slogans about justice for voters in red paint and the waiting area and rest rooms of the building had been opened up to accommodate the participants. People were steadily filing out of it with drinks in paper cups which, on closer inspection, appeared to be of the non-alcoholic variety, much to Grantaire’s disappointment. He could have used a drink to calm his nerves right about then.

“I think they’ve got hot chocolate. Shall I get us two?” said Eponine as they lingered outside the building and Grantaire pocketed his fidgety hands in an effort to look calmer than he felt.

“Umm… sure,” he answered, not wanting the drink any more than he suddenly wanted to be there. This was a ridiculous decision.

Eponine shook her head in disbelief and left him standing alone by the corner of the building, scuffing one of his trainers absentmindedly into the dirt as he pulled his beanie a little further down on his head like it would somehow help him to disappear. With his best friend temporarily gone, he felt both relieved and terrified to be suddenly alone and feel so exposed and vulnerable. He was a second away from scurrying after Eponine when he heard the voice from somewhere close by.

“ _ENJOLRAS!_ You have to be on stage to give the opening speech in five minutes! You don’t have time for another coffee!”

Grantaire’s head snapped up at the sound and he turned around in time to see Enjolras hurrying towards him, or more accurately, hurrying towards the building besides which Grantaire just happened to be standing.

“Chill Ferre! I’ll be right back!” he called over his shoulder with a laugh that suddenly fell from his face to be replaced with a split second of perfectly transparent terror when he looked forwards again and locked eyes with Grantaire.

Wishing more than anything that he could turn invisible at will, Grantaire dug his heels into the dirt and forced himself to smile as Enjolras approached at a significantly slower pace than at which he had been previously moving. The blood was hot and loud in his ears as the man got closer, looking every bit as uncomfortable as Grantaire felt.

“Hey… Didn’t expect to see you here,” said Enjolras with surprise that was painfully lacking the element of joy.

“Yeah… thought I’d check it out,” said Grantaire, hoping he didn’t sound anywhere near as crushed as he felt.

“Oh… well good,” Enjolras answered giving the other man the tiniest spark of hope before he extinguished it just as quickly. “If you go see any of the guys in the tents, they will give you some info. Courfeyrac has some free lanyards left to give out I think, if you want one.”

“Great… yeah.”

Enjolras smiled and suddenly turned to point in a vague direction behind him. “The navy blue tent next to the stage.”

Grantaire nodded. “Uh-huh… I’ll just wait for my friend. She’s gone for drinks so-“

“Yeah, I better-“ Enjolras began and ended that sentence by pointing at the door. “Anyway… thanks for coming… Good to get the support, you know. Yeah… anyway…”

Grantaire swallowed back the jumble of words he was so desperate to say that they were practically burning on his tongue. _Don’t you fucking dare just walk away from me like nothing has happened… like I’m no one to you… like I haven’t had your tongue in my mouth and your hard cock in my hand… speaking of which, when am I gonna get the chance to do that again? Because if you stand there much longer I’m gonna have to get it out for you right here and now… Oh fuck, don’t get hard R, don’t get hard now! Stop it, stop it, stop it…._

“Umm… no worries. Good luck with the-“ Grantaire stopped when he realised Enjolras had already left.

“Who are you talking to?” Eponine asked, appearing at his side and holding out one of two paper cups containing a very pale unappetising liquid. “They didn’t have any chocolate left so I got tea. Looks a bit anaemic though.”

“Yeah, fuck this, lets go get a proper drink. The Golden Lion is only across the road,” said Grantaire, not knowing whether he was more angry or upset but being equally devastated by both emotions. He didn’t know whether there was more risk of him screaming or crying and ideally he didn’t want to do either but if one was going to claim him, it wasn’t going to be anywhere that Enjolras could witness it! He wasn’t going to give him that satisfaction. Apparently he wasn’t going to give him anything but that thought was too destructive to even comprehend yet.

“What the- You wanna leave?” the girl asked. “Don’t you want to hear the talks?”

Grantaire took hold of Eponine’s arm and began to steer her away. “I’ve heard quite enough for one day thanks.”

*

Across the table, Eponine stirred the straw around her glass of cider and studied her silent companion with suspicion. It was too quiet inside the pub and even over the sound of the jukebox, the commotion from the playing field could be heard drifting through the spacious room. It seemed to be entirely inescapable and Grantaire looked like he was being suffocated slowly before her eyes. He must have been able to feel her staring but he didn’t look up once until she leant across the table and clicked her fingers in front of his sullen face.

“Earth to R? Are you still with us?” She demanded with unmasked irritation.

Sighing quietly, Grantaire sat back in his chair and lifted his so far untouched pint glass to his lips, downing almost half of it in one go before he replied. “Trying to get a head start on the drunken stupor,” he remarked when met with her evident surprise at the action.

“Ok, clearly something has happened that I have somehow missed and I swear to god if you don’t out with it right now I’m never covering another of your early Sunday shifts ever again. So come on. Spill.”

“Enjolras.” Just saying the name aloud was difficult and he followed it with another long gulp from his glass.

“Well I gathered that much. What’s he done? Or not done, as the case may be?” Eponine coaxed, preparing herself for a lengthy pining session. If it was alcohol fuelled it could easily continue into the night. Damn, she was going to need more drink.

“Bit of both actually.”

The girl’s eyes widened as she caught the message in his words. “Holy hell, has something happened with him at last?”

It wasn’t as difficult as he had expected it to be once the words began tumbling out but perhaps the alcohol was already doing its job in loosening his tongue on its way to his brain. In an unexpected way, it was nice to give the memory of _the incident_ credence and be able to confirm it had really happened. Now that Enjolras had apparently decided to act as if it hadn’t, Grantaire needed to make it as real as he could. Whether or not the other man regretted it now, it had happened and he wasn’t going to take that away.

Eponine listened to the tale with pursed lips and a slight frown on her brow and when he had finished speaking, she placed her palms flat on the table, leant forward and said calmly “He sounds like a complete and utter tosser.”

“Hmmm,” Grantaire mumbled as he downed the last of his drink. He couldn’t bring himself to agree with the statement but at that moment he was too insulted to be able to argue it either.

“Probably doesn’t even like guys. Just fancied doing some experimenting and fuck the consequences because he thinks he’s all that and he can do whatever the hell he likes. Jesus R, don’t you think you deserve better than that?”

“Fuck knows but I do know that I want another drink,” he said and got up to make his way to the bar before she had a chance to see the angry tears that were forming in his eyes.

*

It took a fair amount of persuasion to convince Eponine not to ring in sick for her late shift at the bar where she worked a second job and if she hadn’t spent hours going on about how much she needed the money, Grantaire may have been less eager to encourage her to leave. Now that he’d confided everything in her, it was comforting to share his pain with someone and made him feel less alone in it. However, considering the rent on the modest flat they shared was only just covered with the three jobs they juggled already, flouting a night’s wages in favour of more drunken self-pity didn’t seem wise to either of them when it came down to it. She made sure to give him an extra long and hard squeeze around his shoulders on the way out the door though.

Grantaire had sobered up somewhat (the wobbly walk home from the pub draped over Eponine and the warmed up leftover pizza she had forced him to eat had helped) and he needed a distraction from a Saturday evening alone with his thoughts. For lack of a better idea, he opted for a cigarette and was stood in the open doorway lighting it when the alert sound on his mobile phone buzzed in his back pocket. Expecting a motherly -ARE YOU OK? From Eponine, he was already answering her in his head when he pulled out his phone and unlocked the screen, frowning at the revealed words: ‘Someone wants to connect with you.’

He opened the messenger app to investigate and sucked in a sudden breath when he saw not the requested communication but the well-known profile picture that accompanied it. The side on picture of the man laughing in front of the Eiffel Tower was one that Grantaire saw almost daily when he tried (and usually failed) not to stalk the man on Facebook every 24 hours. Forgotten cigarette still trapped between his lips, he clicked the ‘accept message request’ prompt and braced himself.

-I’M SORRY ABOUT EARLIER. WASN’T EXPECTING TO SEE YOU. CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD.

A second completely pointless message followed it:

-OH, IT’S ENJOLRAS BY THE WAY.

Grantaire stared at the screen for a moment and for a brief second contemplated the now stupid seeming decision to select a cartoon donkey as his own profile picture ( _great choice R, really sexy, he’s not gonna be able to resist… you bloody idiot)._ He forced himself to calm down with a long drag on his cigarette before he composed a reply.

-NO PROB. HOW DID THE RALLY GO? It was short and to the point but at least he’d made sure to include an open question to increase the chance of getting a response. It felt like the safest way to go with it.

There was less than the length of time it took to finish the cigarette before a reply came.

-GOOD THANKS. DID YOU ENJOY IT?

Of course Enjolras wouldn’t have noticed that Grantaire had left before the thing even begun – _why would he_? – but it still stung a little. He was tempted to reply with the truth but such a thing didn’t fit well into the ‘playing it safe’ game. Besides, he’d been there and shown his support for all of five minutes. Was better than nothing.

-YES. COULDN’T STAY FOR ALL OF IT THOUGH. HAD A BUSY DAY. SORRY. GLAD IT WENT WELL THOUGH.

This time the messages came straight back.

-CAN WE TALK?

-IN PERSON, I MEAN?

A little voice (probably Eponine’s) in Grantaire’s head told him to exercise caution before replying and at least make the man wait a few minutes but it was hopeless trying to stop his fingers as they quicky tapped out a response on the screen.

-SURE. WHEN AND WHERE?

-ARE YOU FREE NOW?

 _SHIT._ He would need the fastest shower he’d ever had in his life to get rid of the smell of alcohol and cigarette smoke. Although maybe he shouldn’t be so readily available (s _hut up Eponine_ ) and maybe the best decision would be to arrange to meet later when he’d had more time to mentally prepare and decide how best to play it. Yes, that was the best and really the only acceptable choice of reply.

-YES. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO MEET?

-NOT MUSAIN. SOMEWHERE PRIVATE.

_(fuck, fuck, fuck….!)_

-I’M AT HOME. YOU CAN COME HERE.

There was an agonisingly long pause of nearly ten minutes before the next message arrived.

-DO YOU LIVE ALONE?

-WITH A FRIEND BUT SHE’S AT WORK. FLAT TO MYSELF.

He couldn’t resist adding that last bit, hoping it sounded as obvious an invitation as it was meant to be.

-SEND ADDRESS. I CAN BE THERE IN 20 MINS.

*

Twenty minutes.

Grantaire had one of two choices: prepare the flat or himself. It seemed inevitable therefore that when Enjolras arrived he would just have to ignore the sink full of dirty dishes, the toppling stack of empty pizza boxes next to the bin and Eponine’s underwear drying over the radiators or, if Grantaire was lucky, not even notice them because he was too busy staring at the freshy washed, cleanly dressed and fragrant smelling man who was stood among it all.

By comparison, Enjolras, when he eventually turned up, did so in the same white t-shirt and khaki jeans he’d been wearing earlier but he did look like he’d brushed his hair, unless it was just always that neat and tidy which wouldn’t have surprised Grantaire given how effortlessly perfect the man always seemed to appear. However, when Grantaire welcomed him at the open door and Enjolras stepped past him into the kitchen, there was a distinct smell of Lynx that hadn’t been noticeable at their encounter earlier in the day.

“Thanks for this,” said Enjolras and Grantaire nodded in response, having no idea whatsoever what he was being thanked for.

“Umm… you want a beer or something?” Grantaire asked, hoping his guest would agree just so he’d have an excuse to have one himself.

Enjolras looked nervous which was an alarming sight to behold since it was not one Grantaire had seen on the man before. When did Enjolras ever get nervous about anything? He was the epitome of confidence the rest of the time and it was both infuriating and sexy as hell.

“I probably shouldn’t… Maybe I could.”

Again, Grantaire had no idea whether that was a yes or a no but he decided to take it as a green light to make his way across the kitchen and grab two beers from the fridge. As he walked away from Enjolras, he could feel the man’s eyes on him and was surprised when he closed the fridge door and turned back again to see that he had been followed across the room. The man was as quiet as a mouse!

“Fosters ok?” Grantaire asked and hoped the answer would be yes because the only other alcohol he had in stock was half a bottle of flat Lambrini that Eponine had been working her way through.

“Great, thanks,” said Enjolras as he reached out to take the can.

The longest two minutes Grantaire had ever endured passed agonizingly slowly as they stood apart from each other, beer in hand, no sound other than the hiss of the cans being opened. Why hadn’t he put some music on before Enjolras arrived? How had that thought not occurred? The tension was getting unbearable. Thank god for beer.

Suddenly, Enjolras laughed. “Jesus, I’m sorry… I thought this would be a good idea.”

“Thought what would be a good idea?” Grantaire asked because he was completely done with all the guessing.

Enjolras forced himself to make eye contact across the kitchen but the hand holding his drink lingered protectively in front of his face, unintentionally masking his lips when he spoke. “I knew I had to… I wanted to… well, apologise.”

“You already did. I said it wasn’t a problem. You didn’t expect to see me there today.”

“No. I mean for… last time.”

Grantaire didn’t respond because he couldn’t. It was one of those moments when he felt like a very flawed and tiny human being stood in the path of a huge incoming tidal wave that he couldn’t escape, staring at death approaching, waiting to be swallowed whole by it.

“I’d had such a shit day at uni and was feeling really low and then you were there… and you were being all nice and that… and I just….” Enjolras broke off and shook his head in angry disbelief at himself. “I’m such a fucking idiot… I’m sorry.”

For the first time ever, Grantaire didn’t want to drink any more. All of a sudden, the taste of it made him feel sick, but he held onto the can with taut fingers to stop himself from launching it across the room at the other man who he couldn’t bring himself to look in the eye anymore because it was just too damn painful. Somewhere in the fog of his mind, Eponine’s words from earlier echoed. _Probably doesn’t even like guys. Just fancied doing some experimenting and fuck the consequences because he thinks he’s all that and he can do whatever the hell he likes_. Fuck this, and fuck Enjolras. No one was going to use him as a checkpoint on their bucket list: DABBLE IN HOMOSEXUALITY? CHECK. NOTE TO SELF: DON’T DO IT AGAIN.

“Yeah, I think you’re right,” said Grantaire eventually, taking a slither of satisfaction from the fact that it wasn’t he who was the confused one this time.

“About what?”

“This wasn’t a good idea. You should go. I’m not doing this.”

Enjolras was staring at him from across the room and Grantaire could feel it but he still couldn’t allow himself to lock on to those eyes. It would have broken him and it was taking every ounce of strength he could conjure right then to keep the tears at bay.

“I’m sorry,” Enjolras said yet again, turning to put his can down on the table behind him and taking a tentative step towards Grantaire before he thought better of it and backed away. “I’m a twat and I shouldn’t have let it happen. I will stay away from Musain for a while. I don’t wanna make it difficult for you when you’re working and-“

“Will you please just go? I get it, ok? I get it.”

Still Enjolras didn’t move. For something to do to stop him from doing anything worse, Grantaire grabbed his packet of cigarettes from the kitchen counter, shook one free and lit it before he’d even got the door open. _You don’t like my smoke? Tough. I couldn’t give a fuck. Get out of my flat then and you won’t have to suffer it._

Enjolras lingered for another few seconds before he silently made his way to the kitchen door, at which the other man was standing now and blowing shaky breaths of smoke out into the dark night air. As he approached, Grantaire stood to one side to allow him room to pass but instead of taking the cue to leave, Enjolras instead reached out a very timid hand to touch the other man’s arm; an action which made Grantaire flinch away from him. That was until he suddenly felt his arm being grabbed and wrenched around as Enjolras’ mouth crashed against his.

Grantaire had no time to process what was happening as everything was quickly taken over by Enjolras - Enjolras’ hands clutching his arms so hard that it hurt, Enjolras’ tongue pressing into his mouth, Enjolras’ teeth catching his lip, sucking, biting, licking every part of Grantaire’s mouth like a man possessed, Enjolras’ body pushing against his own with so much force that he staggered back against the doorframe and had to reach out to grab onto the other man just to stop himself from falling. The cigarette he had been holding had been dropped somewhere and in the midst of his racing thoughts, there was the faint fear of burning the flat down but even that didn’t hold enough of a threat to make him stop this. Frankly, the room could have been one big fireball and he would have happily let the flames consume him if it meant one more blissful minute of Enjolras.

“We can’t… can’t do this,” said Enjolras between kisses but his actions defied his words as instead of releasing the other man, he only pushed him back so hard that the door slammed shut behind Grantaire’s back. Enjolras pinned him against it with his body, grinding his hips against Grantaire’s, shuddering when the hardness of the other man’s cock rubbed against his own.

“Fucking dare stop,” said Grantaire with not a single care for the desperation that he knew was all too evident in his voice.

For one awful second he thought Enjolras was going to do just that as he moved backwards a little, releasing the pressure of his weight upon Grantaire’s body but within a fraction of a second, his hands were on the buttons of the other man’s trousers, fumbling to get them all undone at once. For just a moment, Grantaire took the opportunity to stare at the beautiful face so close to his own and creased into lines of focused determination as he worked his fingers to free Grantaire’s erection, quickly wrapping his hand around it when he succeeded.

A long supressed moan escaped from deep in Grantaire’s throat as he felt the firm warmth of Enjolras’ fingers but he wanted to grab the man, melt into his arms and cry helplessly when Enjolras looked up at him with anxious eyes and whispered “Is this ok? Am I doing it… how you like?”

It had not occurred to Grantaire until then that out of the two of them, he was the only one who had any previous experience of being with another man. Enjolras was so obviously inexperienced it was almost uncomfortable to witness. But it also made Grantaire want to take over and show him exactly what he was capable of doing and it was only due to fear of scaring the nervous man away again that he didn’t.

“Feels amazing,” said Grantaire as he leant back against the door and forced himself to stay as still as he could possibly manage. After a moment, he risked reaching out to Enjolras and grasping his hips. When the action didn’t make the other man move or stop what he was doing, Grantaire slid his hands further around Enjolras’ waist and stroked them slowly but firmly over the curve of his ass. When a little quiver of a moan fluttered in Enjolras’ throat and his hips involuntarily bucked towards the other man, Grantaire drew him closer, pressing their groins together and forcing Enjolras to have to release his grip. As much as he was loving the feel of Enjolras wanking him, he didn’t want to come too quickly and not like this.

“Grantaire….” Enjolras breathed into the soft arc of the man’s neck and held onto the back of his head with a shaky but firm hand.

“Shh,” Grantaire whispered because he didn’t want to risk finding out how that sentence might have ended. “Just try and relax a little… Enjoy it. Just for now Enjolras… just let yourself enjoy it.”

“Oh god,” he moaned with a long breath and let his head tip back as he felt Grantaire grinding against him, the friction of his cock rubbing against his own in just the right way so he could feel the excitement building more and more by the second. “You’re so hard… feels so good.”

“I’m gonna make you feel even better,” Grantaire whispered as he slipped one hand into the back of Enjolras’ underwear and traced the shape of his ass with a steady hand, fingers splayed to stroke softly over the trembling flesh. With more self-control than he ever thought he was capable of, Grantaire spent a good few minutes teasing and playing with his ass, stroking one very careful yet precise fingertip around the rim, gently pushing it in when he could resist no longer, eliciting a sudden gasp from Enjolras, before he withdrew it and pushed it in again a little further.

In response, Enjolras whimpered softly and started thrusting himself against Grantaire, desperately searching friction with clumsy graceless rolls of his hips but it didn’t matter because it gave the other man the assurance he needed to continue. Grantaire took over dictating their movements with more coordination and finesse that yielded an even deeper groan of pleasure from Enjolras.

“I don’t know what I’m… Never done anything…. I mean, I’ve not…” Enjolras began, stumbling uneasily over his own words.

“I know,” said Grantaire as he brought his free hand up to the back of Enjolras’ head and drew him close enough to reassure him with kisses. “I’m gonna go slowly… I won’t hurt you. You gotta trust me… Unless you tell me to stop,” he added and instinctively tensed.

“God no… don’t stop. Please don’t stop,” Enjolras muttered into the warmth of Grantaire’s mouth.

Drawing away from the hungry tongue that was still trying to claim every tiny part of the inside of his own mouth, Grantaire couldn’t stop the confident little grin that appeared on his face as he said “Don’t move, ok? Stay right there. I’ll be right back.”

It was without a doubt a risk to leave Enjolras alone by the door but if anything, it only made Grantaire feel more certain of the man’s desire for him when he returned from the bedroom a minute later to find him still there. If he wanted to leave, he had the perfect opportunity to do so, yet when Grantaire walked back over to him, he almost fell back into his arms like there was no chance of salvation without their support. And then it was clear to Grantaire more than ever that Enjolras wanted him to lead him, to claim him, to own him and the trust that he had clearly decided to place in the man was overwhelming to the point of making Grantaire’s eyes fill with tears.

He pulled Enjolras’ t-shirt up and over his head and then his own followed, pausing to move in close enough for leaving a path of gentle kisses over the man’s shoulders and collar bone, trailing his tongue back up over his throat and back to his mouth.

“Fuck I want you so bad,” Enjolras moaned as he felt his jeans being pushed down, the cool air of the kitchen making him shudder as it rushed upon his exposed flushed skin.

The words floored Grantaire for a moment with the sheer delight of hearing them being spoken.. to _HIM…_ by _ENJOLRAS._ His own legs were trembling but he fought not to show any hint of it as he helped the other man step out of his jeans and then guided him backwards until Enjolras’ back made contact with the edge of the table. Here, he half nudged and half lifted him up onto it and persuaded him to lay back against the polished wood by leaning into his body and kissing him deeply as he pushed him down.

“Here?” Enjolras asked once Grantaire released his mouth and stood up again.

“Here,” was all Grantaire said as he reached around to his back pocket and took out the bottle of lube and condom that were waiting there. After slicking up his fingers with the liquid, he slowly and gently began to open the other man up, all the time keeping his eyes trained on Enjolras’ face, watching his expression, monitoring it closely for any tell-tale signs.

“ _Fuuuuuuck,”_ the word was a long breath that escaped from Enjolras’ lips as he tilted his head back onto the table and closed his eyes.

“Ok?” Grantaire checked even though he was fairly confident of the answer. Responding to the way Enjolras was moving against his hand, he thrust a little deeper and faster, curling into the sweet spot that he knew would make Enjolras keen loudly and smiling when he did exactly that. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

“Holy fuck… more,” Enjolras moaned, scrabbling futilely with clawing fingers for purchase on the smooth surface below him and bucking his hips upwards as he writhed upon Grantaire’s massaging forefinger.

The other man pressed gently against his stomach to push him down again and then moved the free hand upwards to the rock solid erection that was so obviously in need of attention. He spent a very brief moment jacking it slowly before he leant down and took the head into his mouth, licking so softly around the smooth red skin that Enjolras started to really lose control below him, trying desperately to thrust himself further into Grantaire’s mouth. He smiled to himself as he continued massaging the throbbing cock with his tongue and the warm wet hollow of his mouth and at the very moment when he reached deeper to take the whole of the man’s shaft into his throat, he also pushed another finger inside him. Had Enjolras been able to move more freely below Grantaire’s hands, he would have thrust so far up and into the other man’s mouth that he quite likely would have choked him but as it was, he could only writhe beneath the firm grip of Grantaire’s hands, moaning soft long gasps of trembling pleasure as he felt himself getting close to the edge.

When it became clear that Enjolras couldn’t hold back much longer, Grantaire stood up again because for one, he wanted to gain a better position to work the man’s ass and for two, he simply couldn’t resist watching the expression on his face as he came. His own cock was painfully hard as he fucked two fingers faster and deeper into Enjolras’ ass, pushing them apart inside as much as he dared, stretching him as slowly as he could stand. When Enjolras came fast into Grantaire’s other hand, he felt the delicious tightness of him as he clenched around his fingers.

“Jesus… oh god… so sorry,” Enjolras whimpered and sounded like he was going to cry. “That was so quick… pathetic… couldn’t hold on.”

“Fucking hell stop talking,” said Grantaire with a little laugh as he reached down closer to accomplish the task with the aid of his mouth. His fingers were still inside Enjolras but he slowed down the pace at which he was moving them and matched the rhythm to the gentleness of his kisses, delighting in the way he felt the other man start to relax again below him. “I wouldn’t worry… I haven’t finished with you yet.”

Enjolras tried to raise his head to get a better grasp on Grantaire’s mouth and tiny beads of perspiration trickled from his damp curls into the creases of his forehead. The other man allowed his tongue to be drawn into Enjolras’ mouth, licked and sucked and explored the way he wanted to, letting Enjolras lead the kiss and melt into it for a moment of recovery.

“Look at you… so fucking pretty,” Grantaire murmured as he brought one hand up to trail the backs of his fingers along Enjolras’ cheek, making the man nuzzle his face against the warm and slightly sticky hand. “Perfect. Beautiful. Just what I need… everything I need. I’m going to fuck you Enjolras. You want me to, don’t you?”

The other man breathed a trembling sigh that tickled Grantaire’s face and let his eyes flutter closed for a moment, opening them again to lock on to the pair of eyes observing him with such utter tenderness that he couldn’t help but feel safe. “More than anything.”

It was all he needed to hear. Grantaire pushed himself up from the table so he was back on his feet and unrolled the condom over his cock which was throbbing so badly by now that he knew he wouldn’t last long either if he wasn’t careful. He took extra time to make sure it was well lubricated, recoating his fingers at the same time and pressing two of them straight back into Enjolras without warning.

“Fuck!” Enjolras gasped and shuddered as Grantaire took hold of his hips and pulled him closer to the edge of the table, removing his fingers and coaxing the other man’s legs into position as he lined himself up. “Go… slow.”

“Relax,” Grantaire soothed as he pressed himself gently against the other man’s rim, biting his own lip against the urge to thrust with reckless abandon. “Trust me.”

Enjolras was shaking but he relaxed his shoulders back onto the table and allowed Grantaire to guide his legs further up until they were hooked over the other man’s shoulders, smiling as he felt a kiss pressed to the inside of his ankle.

Despite the agonising need that was pulsating right into every nerve ending throughout his body, Grantaire was careful to take his time and when he was eventually able to push himself fully inside Enjolras, he held still for a moment and checked the other man’s expression for reassurance that he was ok. His eyes were shut tight and his lips were pressed hard together but the little moan that was vibrating from his throat was one of encouragement and his cock was already starting to harden again, rising up from where it was resting on his stomach. Slowly Grantaire pulled out slightly and then pushed himself back in with a little more force; enough to make Enjolras’ lips part to allow a gasp to escape. He continued building the pace, a little harder, a little deeper, a little faster, feeling his orgasm building.

“You’re so fucking good,” he murmured as he began slamming into Enjolras with more intensity, rapidly losing control.

Enjolras couldn’t answer but he was pushing himself back against Grantaire as if he was trying to take more of him in and Grantaire was happy to oblige. His fingers were digging with such force into Enjolras’ sides as he clung onto him that he knew there would inevitably be bruises left behind but he dare not let go; he _could not_ let go. The feel of being inside the man he had craved for so long – the man who could take him apart with just a glance – was almost too intoxicating to bear and he had to hold on tightly to stop himself from blacking out with pleasure. The little groans of delight that fell in panting breaths from Enjolras’ beautiful mouth every so often sent a blissful tremor through Grantaire’s body each time he heard them, as did the way Enjolras dug his heels into the other man’s shoulders with such force, grappling him closer and deeper. Grantaire had no control left at all by the time he allowed himself to take the man just as he wanted and both sweat and tears were trickling down his face when he eventually exploded inside him.

He was so lost in the moment, he didn’t even realise that Enjolras had come at almost the exact same time, painting his stomach with streaks of white and panting so hard that the force of it was making the table move beneath him. Grantaire withdrew from him with the last ounce of strength he had and then collapsed against Enjolras, trying to catch his breath and stop the trembling in his unsteady limbs as he felt Enjolras’ arms fold around his back, nails digging ever so slightly into his shoulder blades.

“You ok?... Are you… You good?” Grantaire whispered against the other man’s chest that was still heaving beneath him.

“Uh-huh… m’good,” Enjolras murmured breathily. “But… think… table’s going…”

“Fuck!” Grantaire exclaimed as he wrapped his arms around Enjolras and pulled him up to a sitting position.

There was a slight laugh on Enjolras’ lips as he came face to face with the other man who mirrored the expression back at him before he drew him into his arms and held him tightly. Still perched on the edge of the table, Enjolras wrapped his legs around Grantaire and settled into the embrace, sighing contentedly as he felt a gentle hand stroking his back.

Moments passed into minutes and a comfortable silence settled upon them for a while. With Enjolras in his arms, Grantaire felt overcome with a type of happiness he had never before experienced. It was almost too perfect and it felt just as fragile, like a once in a lifetime message written in the sand which could be obliterated instantly and forever by the mere whisper of a wave upon the shore. He was scared to speak, too scared even to think, for fear of losing it – losing _him._ The rise and fall of Enjolras’ chest as his breathing began to calm down was hypnotic against his own and he allowed his eyes to close while he experienced it, to capture the feeling and store it somewhere inside him where it could never be lost. It felt like an age had passed before Enjolras finally spoke and broke the soothing silence.

“I should go.”

Grantaire’s eyes snapped open again. He could feel Enjolras’ arms loosening their grip around him but he wasn’t ready to let go. “You don’t have to… You could stay… I mean, you can stay over. I wouldn’t mind.”

“Won’t your flat mate be home at some point?”

As he released his hold on the man and held him at arms length to look in his eyes, Grantaire could practically feel the tide sweeping in. Sure enough, the invisible barrier between himself and Enjolras which he was so used to being stuck on the wrong side of was back – so obvious it was almost visible in the shade of the other man’s eyes. “Yeah, but… so what?”

“Well… she might realise what we’ve been doing,” Enjolras said with a look which seemed to question the absurdity of even asking such a question in the first place.

Grantaire felt himself tense inside. “Given the fact that we’ve just about wrecked the table and your come is all over it I would say that’s quite likely, yeah, but who cares?”

“I do,” Enjolras replied far too quickly as he jumped down from the table and pulled his jeans back on, not bothering to do them up in his haste to pull his t-shirt back over his head. “This was amazing but we can’t do it again.”

_So that’s how it feels when your heart splinters into a million pieces…_

“Why the fuck not?”

Enjolras sighed as he rubbed the back of his hand over his brow. “Grantaire, what do you think is happening here?”

“Well I’m gonna go out on a limb and say I’ve just fucked you over my kitchen table and now you’re being a little bitch about it.” He just couldn’t help it, the anger was boiling up so quickly inside him, kindled so easily by the immense hurt.

When Enjolras spoke again, his voice was quiet and faltering as if he was on the verge of breaking into tears. “Why are you being like this?”

“Like what? Hideously insulted by the fact that you’re embarrassed to be seen with me? To actually admit you like me? Even to yourself?”

“Hey, that’s not fair,” said Enjolras, as he crossed his arms protectively and took a step away from the man. He looked genuinely hurt by Grantaire’s words. “It’s all so new to me. I’m not ready for this.”

Grantaire was so devastated he couldn’t stop himself. “Well maybe you should have thought of that before you got my cock out, yeah?”

Enjolras stared blankly at him for a moment before he suddenly turned away, shoving his feet back into his shoes without doing up the laces as he zipped up his jeans. “Ok, I’m gonna go.”

Grantaire leant back against the edge of the table and gripped it for much needed support as he watched the other man march away from him and throw the door open with such force that it crashed back against the wall. “Yeah, I think that’s a good idea. Fuck off back into the closet.”

Luckily, Enjolras didn’t bother to look back before he left so he didn’t get a chance to catch sight of the tears that were already flowing from Grantaire’s eyes.

*

It was less than two days later when the messages started.

-I CAN STILL FEEL YOU.

Grantaire was laying on his bed, propped up against pillows and legs crossed, while he tried to distract himself with TV. When his phone pinged with the alert and he turned it over to see the name on the screen, he picked it up from the bed and stared at the words numbly for a full minute before gathering himself enough to choose a response.

-GOOD.

There was no reply to that for another hour, during which time Grantaire fought against himself with rapidly faltering resolve. He _wouldn’t_ , under any circumstance, allow the other man off the hook that easily, no matter how desperately he wanted to. The temptation to give in, however, grew stronger as more time passed and he was on the verge of taking his phone into a different room and leaving it just so it was physically inaccessible for a while when it pinged again at last.

-I’M HARD THINKING ABOUT YOU.

After his stomach came back down from his throat, Grantaire forced himself to suck in a deep breath and count to ten before he replied. 10 – 9 – 8 – 7 – 6 5 4-

-PROVE IT.

Suffice to say, he was quite pleased with the show of self-restraint in his choice of reply. However, Grantaire’s resolve started to slip a bit when the picture message came through.

*

The next time was on his way to work in the middle of the day.

Grantaire was already late leaving for his shift after laying awake for most of the night and only dozing off as dawn approached. He was beyond grateful for the fact that it was Eponine he was taking over from instead of anyone else as he made his way into town.

-LECTURES SO BORING TODAY. CAN’T CONCENTRATE ON ANY OF IT. KEEP THINKING ABOUT YOU.

It was too much of an impossible challenge not to grin like an idiot when he saw it and he wished for the first time since leaving university that he hadn’t done. Ok, so perhaps Enjolras wasn’t a good enough reason to stay, particularly as they would have been in entirely different buildings anyway, but for the small chance of standing in line beside him in the cafeteria, passing him in the corridor or happening to be in the toilets at the same time? Yeah, that was maybe worth doing a three-year degree course he wasn’t enjoying for.

-ON WAY TO WORK.

-SORRY.

-DON’T BE. BUT DON’T MAKE ME HARD NOW.

Serving up coffee and croissants to customers while his cock was straining for release against his trousers was not a particularly welcome prospect, yet neither was receiving a stream of concerned and bemused looks over the ridiculous grin that was plastered on his face and that one was inevitable.

-WON’T TELL YOU WHAT I’M THINKING THEN.

Grantaire took the long route to work so he had longer to reply. (God bless Eponine, he would buy her dinner tonight.) It would be easy to take the bait and no doubt Enjolras expected it so he purposely forced himself not to:

-SURE I CAN IMAGINE.

-BET MY THOUGHTS ARE DIRTIER.

-SERIOUSLY DOUBT THAT.

-SHOULD LET YOU GET BACK TO WORK.

_Fuck. Should have taken the bait._

He replied with a sad face emoji because he didn’t have the time or mental capacity right then to think of appropriate words.

It wasn’t until his fifteen minute break three hours later when he took a latte and a sandwich up to the staff room and allowed himself to finally cave and look at his phone that his heart began pounding with expectation. _Please, please, please…_

When he switched it on and saw the message waiting, Grantaire almost cried with joy.

-ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT ME?

There was no hope in hell of being able to play it cool this time.

-I’M ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT YOU.

-TELL ME YOUR THOUGHTS.

_Damn it, should have played it cool._

-DON’T WANNA SCARE YOU OFF AGAIN.

-YOU DIDN’T SCARE ME OFF.

Grantaire looked at this last message as he drank his coffee without tasting it and typed out various replies before he deleted each one and sent nothing back. He was actually grateful for once that he had to hurry back to finish his shift. It would be good to leave Enjolras hanging for a bit. Let him see how it felt for a change.

*

By the time Grantaire had finished work and got home he felt thoroughly flat, most likely not helped by the precious few hours sleep he’d got the night before. Additionally, he hadn’t heard again from Enjolras and he hated how depressed that made him feel. The ball was in his court from how the last text conversation had ended but the longer he left it to reply, the more difficult it became. He wanted to tell him everything about how he felt but that even in the safety of his imagination and dreams that felt like possibly the worst thing he could do right then. Equally though, he didn’t want to be needlessly vague when Enjolras was actually giving something back at last, albeit very guarded at this point.

By midnight when he was crawling into bed having still not replied, Grantaire felt so frustrated in every possible way that he could have burst into angry tears and it just felt like the more sensible option to try and sleep off the mood instead. He’d barely got under the duvet when the phone pinged.

-FUCK ME AGAIN.

He lay flat on his back in the dark holding the phone up so the light of it was the only one in the room cascading down onto his smiling face and enjoying the heady glorious emotions that suddenly crowded in on his hazy brain.

-COME AND GET IT.

There was no reply to that and Grantaire sank just as quickly as he had risen, both emotionally and physically, and hated both himself and Enjolras in that moment. After thirty frustratingly silent minutes had passed, he typed out another message:

-THOUGHT NOT.

A reply came back within a few minutes but whereas Grantaire had expected maybe a tirade of abuse or the text equivalent of Enjolras running away with his tail between his legs yet again, he certainly didn’t predict the words that flashed up on his phone screen.

-I’M OUTSIDE.

Stupidly, he tried to listen for some sort of confirmation as if he’d suddenly hear Enjolras stood below his window proclaiming love like a modern day Romeo. Feeling as if he dared not even breathe for fear of making it unreal, Grantaire jumped up out of bed and flew to the door, crashing into the now wobbly table as he passed through the kitchen and cursing the blindness of the dark. With quiet and quick fingers, he unlocked the door and stepped straight out into the gloomy passageway in just his boxers.

“Wow.” Enjolras said with a smirk on his face as he suddenly appeared from the shadows and looked the man up and down. “Still too many clothes though.”

Grantaire still couldn’t quite process what was happening, it was so unexpected. “Umm… you do know my flat mate is home, right?”

“Presumably she’s not in your bed?”

“Obviously not.”

Enjolras smiled. “Well then.”

*

Having Enjolras in his bed was a turning point for whatever this excuse of a haphazard arrangement was turning into. It was far too soon to be getting his hopes up but Grantaire couldn’t deny that he could feel the difference that was steadily taking place within the other man. There was no hanging around for cuddles and pillow talk afterwards but he never left without kissing him goodbye either. It became almost a nightly occurrence and Eponine was restrained enough to keep the teasing to a minimum when there was suddenly a hell of a lot more washing of bed clothes being done by her flat mate.

Grantaire knew he was playing with fire. The smell of Enjolras’ scent on his bed sheet, the odd blonde curl he found attached to his pillow, the can of deodorant he had left in the bedroom, the pair of boxer shorts he had lost down the side of the bed when they had been thrown off in such haste and Grantaire had discovered two weeks later; the room held a memory of the man that kept him there even when his physical presence was absent and Grantaire loved it. He loved Enjolras. And he knew very well how dangerous that was.

He wanted more – _much_ more – but Enjolras was growing in confidence before Grantaire’s eyes, becoming more and more comfortable with himself by the day, and pushing him too fast would achieve nothing good. Grantaire also knew that there was a time when he would have given anything to have this man in his bed almost every night of the week and though it wouldn’t be enough for him forever, right now it was all he had and he enjoyed every damn second of it.

There were some days, however, that were harder than others.

“It’s just a coffee Enjolras, I’m not proposing marriage.”

It was only nine o’clock in the evening and Grantaire was sat on the bed leaning back against the wall with a tangled sheet draped over his lap and covering his modesty. His knees were drawn up to his chest and his elbows were resting upon them as he watched the other man dress himself, searching about in vain for a lost sock.

“Jesus this room is a mess,” said Enjolras as he leant down to scoop an armful of clothes out of the way. “You live like a pig, you know that?”

With a grin, Grantaire jumped up off the bed and grabbed the other man throwing him back down onto the mattress and straddling him. “Take that back you cheeky fucker.”

“Or what?” Enjolras laughed as he felt his wrists being pinned down by Grantaire’s hands and craned his neck to reach up to his mouth.

“Or…” Grantaire teased, leaning close so their mouths were almost touching and then darting his head back just as Enjolras’ lips parted ready. “I’ll never fuck you again. And stop changing the subject.”

Enjolras wrestled his hands free and grabbed the other man around the waist, flipping him onto his back in a second and trapping him there with his body. The laugh that escaped from Grantaire’s mouth was swallowed by a string of long and passionate kisses before Enjolras propped himself up on his elbows and said, “I really do have to go. I have an early lecture tomorrow and I haven’t done any studying for days… thanks to you.”

“I’m worth it,” said Grantaire and hooked a hand around the back of Enjolras’ neck to draw him down for another kiss. “You could study here you know.”

Enjolras laughed. “In this mess?”

“I’m serious. We don’t always have to spend the whole time you’re here fucking in my bed.”

“We don’t. If you recall, there was also the table and the couch and the cabinet that we broke… but that’s what you get for letting me top.”

Grantaire smiled softly. “Enj.”

A moment of silence felt too tense and when Enjolras spoke, the anxiety in his voice did nothing to dispel it. “Please don’t… Don’t spoil what we have.”

“What do we have?” Grantaire replied with a sad laugh. “It’s just sex.”

Enjolras visibly flinched and then just as quickly tried to hide it. “Oh… well, yeah… I know.”

It was one of those moments that Grantaire knew he would remember forever.

“Is it not just sex for you anymore Enj? Be honest with me,” he asked in the gentlest voice he could, not just because he was trying to tread so carefully but also because he was actually frightened of hearing the question asked aloud and having to await the answer that may follow.

“It never was just about sex. Do you think that’s all you are to me? Just a fuck?” Enjolras asked and there was fear in his voice too that was less easily hidden. “I mean… is that what I am to you?”

It was painful to swallow the _I LOVE YOU_ that was lodged in Grantaire’s throat. “Fucking hell, for a really intelligent and sexy guy, you can be so stupid. Not to mention blind. Look at me-“ he said and reached his hands up to clasp the other man’s face. “Never ever be dumb enough to ask me that question again, ok?”

If ever there was a bad time for a phone to ring it was at that precise moment and Grantaire had to force himself not to scream with frustration as Enjolras’ mobile did just that and the man actually grabbed the thing and answered it. _Someone better be dying._

“Oh,” was all Enjolras said and looked like a child who had just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar as he sat astride Grantaire with the phone to his ear, purposely not catching the eye of the man below him who was watching him silently. “Umm… sorry Ferre, I completely forgot. Do you need the book tonight or can I just bring it in to class tomorrow for you?”

It was so quiet in the room that the metallic sounding voice of Enjolras’ friend was louder than it should have been. “Fuck it Enj, what the hell? Are you ok?”

“Uhh… yeah. Course I am. Why?”

“S’just you never forget anything. It drives the rest of us fucking mental. You’re always so bloody organised. What’s with you at the minute?”

Grantaire lay as still as he could below the man and felt like he was betraying him just by breathing but he kept his eyes trained on Enjolras’ face, despite the fact that the gesture was never once returned during the call.

“Nothing… I’m good. It’s nothing,” said Enjolras and to be fair looked as unhappy to say it as Grantaire was to hear it. “I’ve just been… busy.”

There was a short silence before Combeferre replied, his voice distinctly higher when he did. “Fuck… are you with a girl? Jesus, never thought I’d ever see the day… wow.”

“Ferre, I’m not-“

“Don’t try and backtrack now bud! I’m so stoked for you. Is about time you got some action. Who is she? Is it that brunette who was chatting you up in the halls last week?”

Enjolras squeezed his eyes shut and sighed loudly. “Fucks sake, no. Look, I gotta go.”

“Oh, are you with her now? Fuck, sorry bud… you go. See you tomorrow.”

The call was ended before Enjolras had a chance to say goodbye and with another sigh he threw it down on the bed and finally made eye contact with the man who was laying so still and quiet between his legs. “Sorry.”

It wasn’t clear exactly what Enjolras was sorry for so Grantaire just acknowledged the word with an attempt at a smile.

“Nothing happened… with the girl, I mean. She just asked me for my number but I didn’t give it… I mean, obviously wouldn’t do that.”

“It’s fine, don’t panic. You’re fucking sexy as hell, of course girls are gonna hit on you. They don’t know you’re gay.”

Another silence ensued that can’t have lasted more than a minute but felt like an hour, during which time the word hung in the air like a sledgehammer between the two men, threatening to fall at any moment.

Eventually, Enjolras spoke. “I can’t….”

“Don’t,” said Grantaire, reaching up to hold onto the man’s waist just to keep him from moving and running away. “Don’t you dare deny it Enjolras. Have you even admitted it to yourself?”

The look on Enjolras face - the sheer terror in his eyes – was that of a deer caught in headlights, too petrified to move. He opened his mouth to say something then thought better of it and got up instead.

“Enj, please don’t just go.”

“I just… I can’t right now,” said Enjolras as he kicked his feet back into his shoes and ran a hand through his messy hair. Picking up his jacket from the floor, he turned to the door and clasped the handle but after a moment’s hesitation, turned back to Grantaire and reached down to kiss him quickly but tenderly. “I’ll speak to you tomorrow, ok?”

 _Guess it’ll have to be,_ thought Grantaire as he watched the man disappear in a flash.

*

It was rare that Grantaire and Eponine had a shift together at Musain but when they did it was welcome and never more so than on the day that followed. It was her right, so she always argued, that as the best friend she could annoy the hell out of him at will and still be cherished and Grantaire had to agree. Talking things through with Eponine always helped, even if they argued along the way.

“Ok, calm down, I’m not being _needlessly mean_ at all,” the girl reasoned as she followed him round the café floor carrying a tray of sugar sachets and napkins. “All I’m saying is you shouldn’t have to put up with being kept a secret.”

Grantaire looked over his shoulder at the girl as he helped himself to a handful of napkins from the tray and started shoving them inelegantly into the dispenser on the table. He was trying to frown at her but it was difficult when he knew how protective she felt of him and how much it came from a place of care. Very few people in the world seemed to care about him as much as this girl did.

“You were more understanding when it happened to me,” he said with a little smile that made her grin fondly at the memory.

“That’s because we were fourteen and I was just so happy to have someone to fangirl over Johnny Depp with.”

He shook his head with amused shame and made his way to the next table, hearing Eponine laugh behind him as she followed.

“Seriously R, I know how you feel about this guy but are you sure this is how you wanna live? Being a secret night time thing just when he wants- “ she paused and looked about and though there was only one customer sat at a table across the other side of the floor, she lowered her voice anyway before finishing the sentence: “Well, just when he wants a shag?”

“It’s not like that,” he insisted, as Enjolras’ words from yesterday flooded back into his mind and he tried desperately to hold onto them and find some comfort.

Eponine looked like she was fighting against herself not to argue with him again and he was glad that she opted for a sympathetic pity smile instead; it was the lesser of two evils.

The atmosphere was quiet in Musain with only the one woman sat in the corner next to an untouched cappuccino and reading a newspaper but she too looked up when the double doors swung open and a couple of uni boys came striding into the room, involved in a loud discussion of which they appeared to have no awareness.

“Ah shit, customers. Here,” Eponine said, holding out the tray for Grantaire to take but pausing when she saw the look on his face. “What is it? You know them?”

“Enj’s friends,” Grantaire replied, as he purposely turned his back and began hastily shoving more of the refills onto the tables in a bid to escape from view as quickly as possible.

Eponine gave an exaggerated sigh. “Don’t you fucking dare run out the back and leave me alone like you’ve done something wrong.”

He heard the footsteps of the girl retreating back to the counter and the two-way conversation that ensued between herself and one of the two guys (Bossuet possibly?) before the blissfully loud hiss of the coffee machine took over. With the now empty tray cradled against his chest like some sort of mock-up and very feeble armour, Grantaire made his way back to the counter just as the friends were heading away to one of the now clean and re-supplied tables.

“I might take my break while it’s quiet,” he announced, dumping the tray and leaning his back against the counter with his arms folded. “Could murder a cigarette.”

Eponine stared at him until he was forced to make eye contact with her. “R, I swear to-“

Grantaire frowned at the girl when she stopped mid-sentence and her eyes grew wide with alarm. “What?”

She looked anxious when she replied in a whisper. “Umm, don’t look now but your shag partner has just walked in.”

Following the girl’s transfixed gaze, Grantaire looked over his shoulder and felt the panicky heat flush to his face when he saw Enjolras walking through the doors. He let them swing close behind him and stood for a moment, sweeping an investigative glance about the room and pausing briefly to raise a hand in acknowledgement of his two friends before he finally caught sight of Grantaire and smiled. _Smiled._

It can’t have been as suddenly quiet as it sounded in Grantaire’s ears as Enjolras walked over to the counter but it felt like he heard every tiny movement the man made in the process.

“Hey,” was all he said when he came to a stop the other side of the counter and gave a quick nod to Eponine before he caught Grantaire’s fearful gaze and held it. He was still smiling, much to Grantaire’s amazement. He was standing there in front of the man with the eyes of his friends upon them and he was not only smiling but he seemed positively relaxed. Substantially more relaxed than Grantaire felt, anyhow.

“Umm, your friends-“ Grantaire began but never got a chance to finish the sentence before Enjolras leant across the counter and pressed their mouths together in a kiss.

“Sorry, I interrupted you,” said Enjolras when he released Grantaire’s mouth and laughed softly when he saw the downright shock on the other man’s face.

Grantaire still didn’t speak but Eponine grinned and said “Thank fuck for that,” as she moved away to leave the two men a little privacy.

“Your friends are watching us,” Grantaire reported, still unable to shake the fear from his voice, although to be fair, when he looked over to the table and caught Bossuet’s eye, the man just raised a friendly hand in response. And Enjolras didn’t seem to either notice or care.

“No doubt. But that’s not what I came to see you about,” said Enjolras, not looking away once from the man as he spoke. “I just wanted to check if you’re free tomorrow night?”

“Course I am,” Grantaire replied.

“Good. Find something clean to wear in that mess of a bedroom.”

“Why?”

Enjolras smiled again and there was a new light in his eyes when he spoke. “Because I wanna take my boyfriend out on a date.”

*


End file.
